Titleless..

Adoption is emotionally draining... I do not doubt for a minute that it is all going to be worth it in the long run and my inspiration is that fuzzy little new picture of Joshua. I often just glance at his picture and my heart fills with energy to be able to jump through all the hoops that is asked of me.

I admire all the families that have gone on this journey before me and all the families in the process currently. Remember the show Bewitched?? Probably dating myself but on most days I wish I could just wiggle my nose and everything is complete.

The whole process of adopting really requires you to give up some control and count on others to get what is needed. Especially if it is a document that must be filled out in a specific manner by someone other than you. Case in point today, after waiting a week and half for my mortgage company from Texas to send me proof of mortgage/home ownership, it finally came today. I had been waiting to send my marriage certificates to be apostilled in Nevada for the mortgage papers to come so I could send them to Texas to be apostilled as well. So anyways, I spoke to the company 2 times last week explaining that things have to be particular and emailed the exact paper with the directions.. on bank letterhead, notary not stamped over any words, no white out or write overs.. etc. The most important rule in caps was on bank letterhead. Nowhere on the paper did it even say what bank. So we had a bank representative that signed but could have been any Tom, Dick or Harry and not even a bank employee since there was no company listed. I was so angry! I explained their error and it took everything I had to not be upset sounding because again this is a document that I NEED and I have to count on them redoing it and getting it correct yet again in a timely fashion.

Then I had to get my medical forms signed and notarized by my doctor. My new doctor is awesome let me just say. I have met him just once and that was for my physical and he is just so easy going and willing to help us on this journey. So he went out of his way and walked down the building to the notary there to sign in front of her the documents. I look them over and it looks good but when I get home I see the notary says her expiration date is 2031 on one of the papers and the other two is 2013... yep another document failed. So I must ask my doctor once again to step out of his office during his patient time to redo one of the papers. Ugh!

Draining.. most days my mind is racing on what can I do to speed things up or what kind of fundraising should I do? It gets a bit consuming to say the least. I worry that I am not devoting enough attention to my other children. I worry that I am not doing enough to speed things up for Joshua. One day all this will be a distant memory and a minor blip. That day will be when I have Joshua finally in my arms. Until then I continue to jump through all the hoops I have to and to remember to continue to breathe.

Although I wish I had more control over the speed of the circumstances, I will do anything needed and asked to bring Joshua home.. I consider these little blips just the morning sickness to my paper pregnancy :)