Day 2 of meeting Joshua

Today was a good day. We got there this morning and when they handed us Joshua he was his usual smiling little boy. We have noticed certain things about him. He loves the movement but when he gets any affection he sort of shies away. It is almost as if he is confused by the cuddles, hugs and kisses. Which makes perfect sense- the nannies I guess you call them do really seem to care for the kids and do a good job with what they have but it is obvious that they can't devote too much time or attention to one particular child. I also noticed sort of a business approach to everything.. even changing his diapers.. they will talk to him but move in a swift fashion and at times I hear his little head bumping the table as they move him. I hear him make little cries as they change his diaper or clothes and move him not real roughly but sort of not paying attention and just getting the job done. Make sense? Before you ask, I would be more than happy to dress him or change his diaper but they will not let us do those things. Soon my poor baby will not have to worry about a rush dress job or diaper change. He has exactly two outfits here. That is all. So they really frown on us getting him dirty. So today after it rained we stayed in the playroom to keep them happy.

We are allowed two visits each day. Two and half hours in the morning then two and half hours in afternoon. We have found that Joshua gets fussy or tired after about an hour and half. I think it is over stimulating for him right now. He has never had such undivided one on one attention or lone possession of the toys that I think it might overwhelm him. It was an emotional day as well for me. When we attempt to hold him close he gets this look on his face like he has no idea why we are cuddling with him or kissing his little cheeks. Right now our plan is to just be there. Give him space to play while letting him know we are there for him. We spend a lot of time rubbing his back while playing and sneaking in the kisses. We know that true attachment will come and that it isn't a right away thing. It just breaks my heart when it looks like he struggles whether to lay his head down on my shoulder or back away from the closeness. It breaks my heart that he has not had this and had to spend so many months without the true affection. In time he will realize that we aren't going anywhere and that he can find comfort in our arms and that he has us for always.

Another heartbreaking scene is when we go to his room to pick him up and see the other children run to the door yelling mama and papa. I recognize one little boy from RR named Jeremy that has the biggest smile when he sees us and can open the door on his own. The workers get so frustrated because we have had to chase him back in the room then as soon as we close the door we see a little girl pushing a chair up to the door, climbing on the chair to reach the knob but she can't open it so she just looks at us with her doe eyes saying mama-papa. How sad it is that some of these children are just waiting for a mama and papa so everyone that comes to the door they are asking and calling them mama and papa :(

Tomorrow we are meeting another RR family who are here picking up their two little boys- Adam and Sam(RR aliases). They are taking us to a cafe and we are excited. We have not been adventurous to say the least. Our meals have consisted of eggs, ham( I seriously hope it was ham anyway) sandwiches, pepsi and coke lol. We are still suffering from severe culture shock and having absolutely no clue what people are saying to us is hard. I actually told a cab driver I could hug him because although it was limited he did speak some English.

Here is some new pictures of our son- I seriously cannot wait till we have court and it is official so we can get him home and start his new life. A new life with endless possibilities and hope- something that he has not had here nor would he ever have here.