Babushka=grandma

It was a bittersweet day today. We got up this morning in a mad rush. I am thinking I might be getting sick and I just threw a pair of jeans on and wore my white tennis shoes to the orphanage. Now if you have read my blog you know that the women do not wear tennis shoes at all... AT ALL. Normally I do not care as I am about the comfort and since we walk a lot I just prefer the comfort and forget about any stares. So I was not at my best anyway but we were excited to see Joshua as always.

We get there and they hand us our son and we take him outside to one of our normal places we go. In the pictures you will notice it has a wooden floor. It is covered as well which helps when it is really sunny. We play for about 20 minutes and a very sharp dressed blonde woman comes out the back door with the orphanage doctor. Dave said in passing- it looks like a grandma. We both looked at eachother and our hearts sank. We knew that Joshua had a grandmother that sometimes visits him. I kept saying please not Joshua.. please pass us. She did not pass us and although the doctor does not speak English he was able to ask for 5 minutes. I handed her Joshua and she hugged him and tried to talk to us but the only thing we understood was when she said babushka. I replied- grandma and she smiled and repeated grandma. I saw tears welling up in her eyes and it was awkward but I just put my arm around her and rubbed her back. She just smiled and nodded then Joshua reached for me so she handed him back to me. She tried to communicate some more but again we did not understand. We tried reaching our translator on the phone to help because we had no clue what she was saying. Was she telling us she could not let him go. Was she saying goodbye or telling us she decided to take him herself home. When the doctor reminded her we did not understand and we were Americanskis she simply turned and walked away.

Again we had asked on our first visit with the director how his grandmother felt because we knew that his parents have NEVER visited while she had on occasion how she would feel. We were told then she had 12 months to step up all along knowing he was available for adoption and had never done it.  But here she was facing the reality that the little boy she would sometimes visit would be gone for good and we had no clue whether she would be desperate to just keep him in country to just visit.

We finished our visit with Joshua with just a lump in our throat. Still not knowing what she was saying or even thinking. A couple hours later our translator called us to tell us she had gone to the orphanage to see what the grandmother had said to the director etc.

Here is what we know- we know that his grandmother had come in to the orphanage and was met by the director. She was informed we were there and we would be adopting him. The grandmother kept expressing how disappointed she was with her children for not keeping him. She was very angry at them for tossing him aside. The director informed her that we had a son who had the same condition as Joshua. At that point the woman cried and said how happy she was that Joshua would never be alone and would grow up with someone just like him. The director reminded her that she did not want to take him and raise him herself or that she was unable to and that when he reached a certain age he would be institutionalized where he WOULD die. His grandmother only asked to say goodbye to him.

So when she reached us- we did not understand what she was saying but what she said was that she was so happy for Joshua and that he was very loving and that she was not happy her kids did not want him. She said she would never bother us again and would never visit anymore. She wanted us to continue our adoption and just said goodbye to her grandson.

So while we were relieved that we know that our adoption will go off without a hitch we know that this woman's heart is a bit broken. There is a part of me that wonders why if she felt so strongly would she leave him in that place. Yes it is a good orphanage but he has TWO outfits and that kills me so I often wonder why she did not bring him more. I won't even try to guess. It is a different world here... a different culture. I do know that she desires the best for him and that those tears were real. I wish at that moment I could have snapped a picture with her and Joshua so one day he could see his babushka in a far away land. I was not thinking clearly at that moment. I do know that when we are prepared to take Joshua out of the orphanage for good and our translator is there I am going to see if I can get his grandmothers address or leave mine behind so that possibly I could periodically send her pictures and show him the life we are trying to give him. Just show him that we are loving him just as she wished his birth parents would have. I also wish I could have said thank you in Russian.. the words escaped me at that moment. But I know that at least sometimes someone did come and show him love.. that gives me comfort.

Here are a few pictures from today-one thing we have noticed today is that we allow him to play but every once in a while he now looks around to find us and then smiles.. then goes back to playing :)